NoSQL Trolls

trollI have a Twitter feed for the term “nosql” and every day I get tweets like:

“What moron came up with #nosql?  you’re all fired!”

“nosql is making all the same mistakes people made 40 years ago… relational dbs won!”

“yeah, use nosql… if you don’t mind losing all your data”

(these are based on real tweets, but aren’t actually verbatim.  They’re all pretty much the same.)  I hope I meet someone who says this to me someday, though, so I can say: “Boy, what a good point!  If only Google and Yahoo and LinkedIn and Twitter and the thousands of other high-traffic websites had listened to you.  Obviously you know what’s going on better than they do, this NoSQL thing is just a bunch of idiots spinning their wheels.”

Then, as they reeled, rendered helpless by my cunning sarcasm, I’d continue in a slightly different vein: “You freakin’ moron!  Relational databases failed miserably for huge websites, so alternative database popped up to fill that need.  And, so long as we’re making a new database, we figure computer languages and database administration have changed a bit since 1974, so we might as well make dbs easier to use.  You’re welcome!”

Then I’d punch them in gibblies until they saw my point.

I might need a vacation.

kristina chodorow's blog